Posts Tagged ‘throwback’

Law School Personal Statement

Once upon a time I wanted to go to law school.  Had scholarships to Ohio State, Temple, and Howard University.  That…was long ago.  Before the dark times.  Before the Empire.

Loving parents want only the best for their children.  They want to see their children successful, to see them make full use of their talents in order to get into the best possible position in life.  My mother sacrificed to provide me with the guidance, care, and nurturing necessary for me to achieve a full realization of my potential.  Unfortunately even the best parent can only hold open the door.  Once through a child is on his or her own, free to make decisions, take advantage of opportunities, and to use his or her natural talents for good or for ill.  In my case it appeared early on as if I was all too willing to squander my talents and my mother’s sacrifice. Early on I excelled academically, but the lack of intellectually challenging material combined with my ability to do well on assignments with little to no effort fostered within me a sense of complacency. This laziness led to my failing to perform near my potential both at the high school and later at the university level, where I found myself thrust suddenly into classes in which I couldn’t grasp the material quickly.  I was in the unfamiliar position of having to spend hours trying to learn something, and it was readily apparent that I lacked both knowledge of proper study habits and the wherewithal to learn the same.  This apathy and overall immaturity culminated with my expulsion from the University of Michigan.  The safety net that most nineteen year olds rely on to catch them should they fall was snatched from under me, and I was forced to deal with the very real consequences of my actions.

I consider the six years that followed as my rite of passage.  The directionless boy full of promise but lacking in work ethic slowly evolved, giving way to a man armed with the knowledge and discipline to accomplish what he chose.  Through trial and error, I stripped away the bad habits that led to my previous failures, and learned how best to take advantage of my strengths.  After a hard fall, I learned how to get back up.  Throughout this time, my definition of success was the ability to set a goal, identify the steps needed to reach that goal, and to make forward progress towards it.  At the beginning, this end goal was simple:  Get back in school and finish what was begun.  As the years passed and I got closer and closer to realizing this goal, I began to question exactly whether this was a goal worth pursuing.  If I was successful in this goal, what would be the result?  What was it that I really wanted?  Years of working in corporate information technology showed me that even if I finished my education, work with computers would never be something more than what I was good at, and a way to pay the bills.  I asked myself the question:  Do I want to be safe and stick to what I know, or do I want to take the road less traveled and do something for which I felt real passion?  It was my mother, to whom I had been such a disappointment for so long, who then galvanized me with a suggestion as to how I should now use my talents to realize my full potential.

I live in a world where the people with the ability to make real change use that ability to enrich themselves, while the people with the will to make real change often lack the ability, the skills, or the power.  What I wish for myself is to be one of those people that can combine talent and will with power and resources, and effect real and actual improvement within my community and by extension the world.  Toward this end, I wish to pursue an education in civil rights and constitutional law.  It is my goal to use my law degree to, as Thurgood Marshall said, “Be the voice of the voiceless.”

This shift in focus in order to immerse myself in the community that I felt most connected to in order to learn how best to serve it.  I began to attack my classes with an ardor I had never shown to my academics.  I began my studies focusing only on the goal graduation and admission to law school; selecting a major was an afterthought.  However, as I plowed through my prerequisite courses I discovered that it was the liberal arts which most drew my interest. What I was learning in the classroom never felt like routine drudgery, in fact with each course I felt my goals, originally as vague as “I would like to make a difference,” come more and more into focus.  No longer was I taking courses for some vague or meaningless reason; each and every decision I made had a distinct purpose.  I double majored in Africana Studies and History because the richness of the curriculum attracted me, and fueled my nascent desire for social change with historical perspective and depth.  I joined and later chaired the student chapter of the American Civil Liberties Union because it was an organization whose goals were directly in line with my own, particularly with regards to voter education and equitable application of the Bill of Rights.  My membership in Alpha Phi Omega National Service Fraternity stemmed directly from my desire to aid my community dovetailing nicely with the Wayne State chapter focus on supporting the city of Detroit specifically.

As I became further engrossed in my studies, I found myself gaining a new sense of duty to my community.  The axiom “Evil prevails when good men do nothing” began to take on new meaning for me as I learned about historical injustices whose effects are still seen today.  This increased knowledge led me to add another two facets to my growth:  Political activism and community service.  I became very involved with organizations that I felt were committed to making the sort of changes that I wanted to see within the community, from voter registration and education to full-scale political lobbying.  I balanced this activism with local community service, which I felt was my duty as a citizen to perform not only because I possessed the ability, but because of a sense of responsibility and dedication to work to improve the community that produced me, with the hopes that this improvement will get more individuals in the position to help, and the cycle of improvement will spread.

Booker T. Washington said that the measure of success was not the position that one reached in life, but the obstacles that one overcomes in order to succeed.  I believe that it is precisely the adversity that I experienced that instilled within me the passion to drive toward my goals and the character to deal with bumps along the way.  My idealism has been tempered in the fire of real world experience.  I believe that I have come as far as I can while still shackled by the constraints of balancing full-time employment, and I am enthusiastic about the opportunity to transition and evolve.  It is my fervent hope that admission to your institution will provide the opportunity to truly fulfill the potential that my mother saw in me so many years ago.  Thank you for your time.

I Remember…

Reposting this from the old blog because I lack anything resembling shame or a sense of personal privacy.

…the last time I cried.

for Mary-Anne

I was in my ex-girlfriend's dorm room, having a long talk. She was trying her best to communicate to me that she'd fallen out of love with me, was in love with someone else, yet at the same time hurt my feelings as little as possible. She'd told me that she needed to spend more time focusing on her schoolwork, on graduation. She couldn't afford to have a boyfriend right now. She couldn't, nor did she want to, be with me any longer. I approached this situation as I approach everything. Intellectually. Analyzing everything. Trying to tell her that I was willing to wait for her…that there was no reason our relationship of 3 years had to end because of a change in her life. That two people as deeply in love as we were, such a deep and powerful love, should be able to work through and around any crisis, no matter what. This conversation continued for almost an hour. I tried to figure out why suddenly she felt this way, and she tried to spare me the truth.

I don't remember specifically the end of this conversation. I just remember a rising surge of panic. My brain, my heart, and my spirit were having difficulty processing the fact that suddenly and through no fault of my own, this woman who I loved and cherished with everything I had was suddenly disappearing. I was not willing to just discard my feelings for this woman to throw away the sheer bliss that she had made me feel over the course of our relationship. Worst of all was the fact that there was nothing I could do about it. I couldn't change her mind. I couldn't make her see something that she hadn't already seen. I couldn't make it all better. That frustration combined with the pain of impending loss made me break down. I cried longer and harder than I believe I've ever cried in my life. I remember covering my face with my hands and just sobbing…sobbing….babbling incoherently about my love for her. I am not a crier at all, nor am I terribly outwardly emotional. The loss of control was terribly embarrassing; I remember trying to make myself stop, saying "This is so stupid" over and over again, trying to explain the way I was reacting against the fact that she was still calm. Trying to stop only made the tears flow harder, made the sobs more painful.

It has been almost a year since that moment, but if I close my eyes right now, I can recall the utter joy of the next moment. As I was curled up on her bed wailing out my grief and pain…my love, my life, everything that was in me that I couldn't seem to communicate to her verbally….everything came out of me, and as it was pouring out, she reached out and she touched me. She put her hand on my back and my head against her breast and she held me. She held me and rocked me and whispered that it would be alright. That we could work this out. That she was sorry for hurting me. Hearing her say these things brought such relief that I actually started crying harder. Feeling her body against mine having been so long without it brought me such pleasure that my cries actually increased to an almost feverish pitch. There was absolutely nothing like that moment. Sweetest pleasure, most bitter pain. We made love as if we'd never touched one another before and we would never see one another again. Afterward we lay in bed and talked about how a love like ours could conquer all. I kissed her hair and I marveled at her beauty and I thought to myself "I am lucky. I am blessed. Love can conquer all, and two people who truly love one another can do anything to sustain that love. This woman loves me as I love her. I am happy." That was the last of those moments.

Our moment, which to me was the center of the universe, the beginning of an always-increasing pinnacle of happiness….our moment was a lie. Perhaps 'lie' is extreme. Let's say that moment was a gift. A gift from a woman who no longer loved a man, but couldn't stand to see him suffer. A moment that that man, in the years ahead, could look back on with a smile and gladness. Time has worn my anger at discovering the truth behind her actions, the things she couldn't bring herself to tell me. Time has allowed me to look back on my love….and smile about the last time I cried.

Was there something I could have done to change this outcome here
As if I blinked my eyes and suddenly she up and disappeared
How can love escape your grasp without you ever letting go
And until she returns to my arms I may never know

Musiq Soulchild — "Mary Go Round"

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